So sorry, unstuck....... I am almost to your place in life....
My dad is NOT a JW, my mom is.... He is 87, and there will come a hospital day.
I am not disassociated or DFd, but have not "attended" for five years now. My hubby was DFd for testifying in a child abuse case, and NO ONE of my family has spoken/ discussed/ inquired about it.
(One day, quite unplanned... when my JW sister asked me "which DA are you going to?" .... I let the cat out of the bag, and told her about the latest WT re: 607, and one question/response led to another, and the next thing I knew, I was telling her that the WT was going to have to ditch Russell, and change "the times" cuz 607 was wrong.... that was in 2012.... and it happened not long after)
So.... five years later, after my mom has been VERY business like when I called, she is in need of help cleaning up my hoarding dad's yard, and my JW sister refuses, she "helped 3 years ago" ! My DFd hubby & I, and my non-baptized also apostate sister have been leading the way in the cleanup.... my mom is being more 'friendly'.... My JW sister is still acting like a self righteous brat.
My point? I don't know what would happen if my dad suddenly took a turn for the worse... JWs change their colors/ coats so fast... Would all of our hard work be forgotten?
I feel for you..... JWs have a tendency not to "communicate".... it is against their religion....
Always hold the higher place, actions will always speak louder than words...